Update: My full recap is here!
All hail Planet Mirrorballus! Welcome back, gem hunters, to the season 20 debut of Dancing With the Stars: The Stakes Have Never Been Lower.
More than ever, I have never heard of these people. But I say that every time, with great delight. Because really, isn't the familiarization process a big part of the fun of DWTS? It's become one of our richest-hued, most sparkly pastimes: Watch strangers struggle with basic steps. Marvel as strangers' personalities clash with the teaching styles of Our Pros. Wince as hero-strangers throw their backs out on Week 7. Then finally, root for our favorite new ballroom superstars to WIN the chance to have Tom Bergeron co-hoist a knob of hardened glitter above their heads as -- suddenly, almost imperceptibly -- Mark Ballas lifts them up on his shoulders. What a magical world! You hadn't even noticed he was down there.
Any other way just wouldn't be the same. I'm not sure I've ever written a sentence so meaningless!
If you can't watch the premiere liiiive on TV, try the DWTS All-Access live streams to see the dances and hear from the couples throughout the show.
Discuss it now, then look for my full premiere recap tomorrow at Yahoo TV!
Tonight's elevator music:
What, don't you wanna dance?